I’ve had massage before and it didn’t do anything for me.

Massage practitioners vary enormously and it really is worth trying to find someone who suits you. Let me just quote you a certain Frenchman, Savary, after receiving a massage in Egypt in 1785:

“Perfectly massaged, one feels completely regenerated, a feeling of extreme comfort pervades the whole system, the chest expands, and we breathe with pleasure; the blood circulates with ease, and we have a sensation as if freed from an enormous load; we experience a suppleness and lightness till then unknown. It seems as if we truly lived for the first time.”

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